How Do We Move On?
by theputz913
Summary: This story is based on the promo for Episode 5, Probable Cause. A look at the events from Kate's and from Rick's perspectives.
1. Chapter 1

_I can't believe what I am about to do. I think as me and the guys ride up to Castle's floor in the elevator. Can this really be happening? I would never have thought this case would lead us here when we started and Espo made the comment about this murder looking like something out of one of Rick's books. I really should have let the guys do this. I don't think I can even look at him. I am arresting Richard Castle, my... what? Boyfriend, significant other...my lover? How could he have done this? My head is telling me to stay with the facts, follow the evidence. Katie you gotta stick with your head here not your heart. If you let your heart lead on this one, it's gonna hurt. Who am I kidding? Of course this is gonna hurt. I'm in love with him, have been for longer than I want to admit. This is why I held myself back from reaching out for this "thing" with Castle. I knew I was gonna get hurt. I'm not allowed to be this happy, I'm still too broken to have this kind of happiness and love._

_If Ryan looks at me like that one more time, I might just burst into tears. I need to get myself under control before we have to knock on his door. Come on Kate, you can do this! Put your feelings in a box and do your job. Have faith in him...in us! There has to be an explanation for all of this. Just get him down to the precinct and let him tell his side of the story. Hopefully, we will all be laughing about this "misunderstanding" in a couple of hours over a drink at the Old Haunt._

"You ready to do this Beckett?" Espo asks as we depart the elevator. A sense of dread has fallen over all of us. _We actually have a warrant for Castle, our friend, our partner, my..._

"What?" I ask as I am confronted with the sound of someone knocking on Castle's door.

"I asked if you were ready for this?" Javier inquires.

"No...do I really have a choice? Lets just do this." I say, hoping my cop persona can take over and get me through this nightmare.

_In the end it is Espo who hands Castle the warrant to search is home and places him under arrest for murder. As Javier snaps the cuffs into place, my mind wonders back to the first time I brought Richard Castle in for murder. This time feels more ominous though...like these charges just might stick.  
I'm finding it increasingly hard to breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating and my whole world is going to crash at my feet. It seems like just yesterday we were in the Hamptons for a romantic getaway, what I thought would be the first of many for us. Now it might be the only one in a line of dreams of what could have been._

_For the first time in my career, I think I might actually hate doing my job. I don't want to question Castle. If Gates knew about my relationship...our relationship she would never let me work his case. It almost makes me wish we would have just told everybody about us and let the chips fall where they may. But then everyone would be giving me the same looks that I can see Ryan shooting my way. It's like he wants to comfort me in some way but he is far too loyal to let everyone in on my secret by actually trying to reassure me._

_I need to know the truth about where he was the night of the murder and I know it wasn't with me...and why wasn't he with me on a Friday night? I know I was on call, but that hasn't stopped us from being together. We just arrive separately at crime scenes if a body drops and nobody is any the wiser as to what we have been up to in the privacy of my apartment.  
_  
_With a deep breathe I make my way into interrogation to begin what I am sure will be the hardest interview I have ever had to do. Not only is it Castle sitting across from me that makes it hard, but he __knows how I do this and he knows all my tells. He can read me like a book and this is one of those times when our connection ...bond...very intimate knowledge of each other is gonna bite me in the ass. Maybe I should let the guys take the lead? I wonder if Gates is behind the glass watching? If she is, she will know something is up if I pull back. I usually stare down my suspect...how the hell can I look into this man's eyes and not see all his love shining back at me? God this sucks!_

"Mr. Castle, you know why you are here, do you have anything to say?" I ask trying to sound calm.

"Yes, you guys know me. You know I would never do this. Kate please," Castle pleads.

"Mr. Castle, why don't you just tell me where you were on Friday night so we can check your alibi and then go from there." I say, voice surprisingly confident.

"Beckett, I didn't do this!" Castle says glaring at me. "I just write this stuff, I don't actually kill people. After four years together, how could you even think I could do something as sadistic as that?" His voices reaches an unnatural pitch as he finishes his question.

"Where were you Friday night?" I ask again, regretting every minute of this situation. I try to let him know with my eyes that I hate this every bit as much as he does, but it's my job.

"I think I would like to call my lawyer." Castle blurts now resorting to the only defense he has at the moment. He must feel like there is no one else to turn to.

"Make the call." I say as I exit the room, needing the air and the brief respite for my shattering heart.

_My head is telling me that there is too much evidence to deny the possibility but my damn heart keeps beating out a rhythm for Castle's innocence. It keeps telling me, you know Rick. He wouldn't have done this. There has to be a plausible explanation for his prints being there. He didn't seem to even recognize the victim. I know him and there were no tells when we were at the scene. I sure would love one of his wacky theories to explain away all this stuff and give him back to me. Is this gonna destroy us? Can we overcome this? Well stupid, it depends if he is a murderer or not, ya think?_

"Can I have a pad of paper and a pen, detective?" He asks as I re-enter the room. I feel myself flinch at the use of my title instead of my given name.

"Sure, Castle, did you just get a story idea or something? How are you gonna write us... yourself out of this one?" I ask falling back on out banter before I even realize what I'm doing.

"No, no story ideas. Just trying to get my thoughts together while I wait for my attorney to show up." He say looking up to meet my eyes.

"Sure you don't just want to confess and make this quicker for all of us?" Esposito sneers.

"Espo!" Castle and I simultaneously growl at him. We're still in synch even through this. Who would have thought?

"Sorry Bro. I didn't mean that. This just sucks." Javier whispers across the table so the recording equipment doesn't pick up the conversation.

_He might spend the rest of his life in jail because of me. How will I live with myself if I am the reason Castle ends up in jail? How will I ever be able to face Alexis, Martha or any of our friends? Should I resign from this case and tell Gates that I'm too close to this one? My training has me wanting to bring our victim's killer to justice. What do I do if Castle is guilty? The fingerprints and the video evidence is so convincing. If he goes on trial for this, his attorneys will be forced to "out" our relationship which will cast a shadow over the entire case. What kind of future is there for us when I have these doubts about the man I love with all my heart? None! If he is guilty then we have no future anyway. Why couldn't I have just invited him to join me and my dad for dinner? If he was with me, at least he would have a credible alibi. It might make our relationship public, but he wouldn't be my prime suspect right now. He would have been at dinner with Dad and I. And we would have probably ended the night snuggled up together in my bed._

_What if he didn't do it? He might hate me even if he is proven innocent because I pursued this with him as my prime suspect. I need to get out of the precinct and get some air, but how can I leave? He needs me and I can't even show any support because I don't know what to believe about the man I love. He tore down my walls and made me believe in us. How will I repair the damage I have done to us if he isn't our guy? Will he be able to forgive me for this? I have done some awful things to him over the last four years, but this might even be worse than letting him walk away. This case is making me question everything I am and everything I have come to love about him. I know if I could get a minute alone with him, I know he could make me believe that this is all going to be okay, he is innocent and he will be able to wrap me in his arms again soon. Please let that be true! My heart can't take much more of this. I wish he would just give me something that the guys can check on that at least will start poking holes in this ...the evidence against Castle. _I'm brought back to the present by a knock at the door.

"Mr. Castle, your lawyer has arrived. Do you need time to confer before we resume our interview?" I ask putting my cop mask back in place.

"If he thinks it's necessary. I've got my notes here that he can look at while you ask your questions." Castle says tapping the notepad to draw my attention to something he scribbled.

I take a moment to read what he has written and with a nod I head to the door and yell for Ryan to come to the door. I tell Ryan what Castle has written on the pad and send him off to find Alexis and check out the clue I have been given.

"Sorry for the delay, shall we get started again?" I apologize. "Mr. Castle, where were you on Friday night between the hours of 7pm and midnight?"

Rick's attorney nods and Castle proceeds to answer the question that I have posed to him now for the third time in the last couple hours. "I was at the loft until six and then I left home and caught a cab to meet my daughter, Alexis, for dinner at a small diner near Columbia. We were scheduled to meet there around 6:30 but I was late...traffic was a little heavy being a Friday night and all. I arrived at the diner closer to 6:45. We had a good dinner, and an even better dessert. We didn't finish until almost eight by the time the waiter cashed us out. I paid by credit card in case you would need to check. I tried to convince my newly independent daughter to join me for a movie or some other show we could find on short notice but she declined saying something about a freshman mixer on campus. She did however, agree to accompany me in a little window shopping before returning back to her dorm. After all, there are so many things a new college student needs and will take full advantage of their lonely parents in order to procure said things for themselves. She wanted to look for practical things like storage containers and groceries while my choices swung from jewelry to electronic gadgets."

"So Mr. Castle, what time would you say your shopping excursion ended with your daughter? Did you go anywhere else? Spend time with anyone else?" I asked with a tinge of curiosity...maybe even hurt in my voice.

"Alexis and I returned to her room with numerous packages that we promptly unloaded and put away. We spent a few minutes discussing her classes, how she was adjusting to being on her own and college in general, and then the topic turned to what I had been up to in the last few days since I had talked to her. I decided that a taxi might be too hard to track down at that hour so I placed a call to the car service that I use on occasion to pick me up. The driver showed up sometime between 9:45 and 10pm to pick me up." He adds knowing he is making the fact checking easier for me and the boys.

"Okay, Castle, that gets us to ten. You still have two hours to account for," Espo pushes giving me a chance to collect my thoughts.

"After leaving Columbia, I asked the driver to take me to the Old Haunt. I hadn't been in there in awhile and I was in need of a stiff drink to keep my mind off things and I was going to do some writing in my office in the basement." Before I can ask the question, he dives right back into his account of Friday night. "I didn't want to go home, because no one was there and I didn't feel like being alone. With Alexis at school and my mother's lifestyle, the loft has been too quiet at night. So I opted for a place with a little peace and quiet to write but also the comfort of knowing that there were plenty of people nearby if I wanted to socialize."

"Can anyone confirm your arrival at the Old Haunt?" Esposito asks. "Besides, the driver who dropped you off out front of the bar?"

"As a matter of fact, there is. About half of the off duty personnel from this precinct saw me walk in and Brian, the bartender. Brian commented on how he was surprised to see me on a Friday night as he made me a drink." He says with a glance down at his watch to note the time.

"The next time I even had any concept of time, was when I got a call from Detective Beckett about a body drop. That must have been around 2am or so judging by the fact that the Haunt was closed and Brian was locking up for the night. I had gotten caught up in writing my next book and had apparently fallen asleep judging by the puddle of drool on my sleeve and desk." He finishes and turns me for some kind of sign of how to proceed.

"Is there anyway to confirm that you were at the Old Haunt the whole time that you claimed to be in the basement writing?" I ask knowing full well that there is only one way out of his basement office.

"Brian would have seen me when I left as there is only one way out of my basement office." he answers with a nod and continues, "I had the tunnel exits sealed off after I bought the bar, in case you were wondering."

"Detectives Beckett and Esposito, I believe my client has provided a pretty specific time-line of his evening for the night in question. If you don't have anything further, we will be leaving." Castle's attorney has finally decided to participate in this interview now that it is effectively over.

"No, looks like we're done. Mr. Castle has given us quite a few things to verify before we can proceed with the case. Mr. Castle, will have to remain here while we check into his story." I grumble before exiting the room with Esposito to start running down his alibi.

After a little more than two hours have passed we re-enter the interrogation room to let Castle and his attorney know what we have discovered.

"As bizarre as this sounds, Mr. Castle. Your alibi has checked out and you are free to go. We need you to stick around for a few more minutes to pick up your personal belongings and sign a few forms." Ryan says in something akin to a sigh of relief.

"Come on Castle, I'll walk you over to booking where you can get your stuff back and sign that paperwork before you go home." I say turning to look at him and finally meeting those blue eyes.

"After you detective." He breathes, and I am finally able to relax.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, what brings you...oh, this is an official visit isn't it? You can't really believe that I had anything to do with this. Beckett?" I ask with a baffled look on my face.

"Castle, we have a warrant. Just step out of the way and let us do our jobs here." Espo says as he hands over the paperwork with a look of indifference.

_Kate can't even look me in the eye. Does she really believe I could do something like this? She knows me, I can't... There must be some pretty damning evidence for her to be here like this. What do they have on me? Why do they all look like I betrayed them?_

"Castle, you are under arrest for murder." Espo grumbles as he slaps the cuffs on my wrists a little harder than necessary.

_I know Espo is reading my rights, but my mind is running through all sorts of scenarios of how we all ended up in this situation and how I ended up being the prime suspect in a murder that my partners are investigating. Of course, being a writer, all my thoughts are dark and conspiracy filled. I know I didn't do this and deep down so do they. I can't fault them for doing their jobs but Javier is laying it on a little thick. Those cuffs are too tight! I know he is angry because anyone with eyes can tell how bad this is hurting Kate. I gotta prove my innocence, but how? Kate won't let me end up in jail...she won't let up until she gets he right guy and I'm not it!_

_It seems just like yesterday that Kate and I were so happy getting away from the city. I know she was a little insecure about my house in the Hamptons and the other women when we first got there but by the time the weekend was over, I don't think she had any doubts...until today. I can see her already trying to distance herself from me because of this. Is it to so she can do her job or because she might actually believe I did this? Will I be able to fix us after this is over? I might as well just resign myself to the idea of my life sucking for the next few hours or so. _

_God, being on this side of the table is horrible. Especially with Kate looking at me like...like I'm a criminal. I hate this! Think Castle! Where were you Friday night? Who were you with? Obviously, I wasn't with Beckett or there would be no way this would have gotten this far! Why wasn't I with her? She was on call, but where was I until I met her at the scene? Think! You have everything riding in this you idiot! Figure it out! Alexis._

_What evidence do they have against me? It's gotta be pretty convincing for my friends to arrest me...for Kate to let them. Should I ask or just keep my mouth shut? I know how Kate runs her interrogations, I know how she uses that Beckett glare to get the suspects to confess. I don't have anything to confess though, except how much she means to me. But I don't think that is gonna help me out right now.  
She looks so cold and distant. It doesn't look nearly as hot from the wrong side of the table. If I didn't know her tells, I would think that she is confident about getting a confession. In actuality, her eyes give her away and she actually looks worried that I'm going to hate her for doing this._

"Mr. Castle, you know why you are here, do you have anything to say?" Kate asks, trying to sound confident.

"Yes, you guys know me! You know I would never do this! Kate please!" I plead trying to make eye contact with her and fail as she looks down at her hands and picks at the cuticle on her thumb.

"Mr. Castle why don't you just tell me where you were on Friday night so we can check your alibi and move on." Kate says sounding more business like.

"Beckett, I didn't do this!" I shout at her accompanied by my own version of the 'Beckett glare'. "I just write this stuff, I don't actually kill people! After four years together how could you even think that I would do something as sadistic as that?" I say noticing the crazy pitch my voice has taken, sounding like I am on the verge of hysterics.

"Where were you Friday night?" She asks again, eyes full of regret and maybe apologies.

"I think I would like to call my lawyer." I say feeling as if I have no other choice at his point.

"Make the call." Kate grumbles as she quickly exits the room, shoulders sagging.

_I wish I could sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless...hell, I would settle for a handshake at this point. My fingers ache to touch her and let her know that we will figure this out and we'll make it through this...a little worse for wear but we'll be okay. She looks like she could use a hug. I hate this that she doesn't have anyone to talk to about how she is feeling about this case and about us. Is this going to end us? No matter what or how much time it takes, I'm going to fix this between Kate and I. I can't go back to my life because life without Kate, is no life I want. I'm going to have to erase those doubts and make her trust me again. I know she loves me, I can taste it in her kisses, I can see it in her eyes and I can feel it when we make love. I gotta fix this._

_Where the hell is my lawyer? You would think he would be here a little quicker for me since I pay a hefty sum of money to keep him on retainer. I haven't needed his services in so long he may not even remember he works for me. Ever since I have been shadowing Kate, I'm a changed man, the kind that is not a playboy and who has no use for lawyers to get him out of scrapes with the law. This doesn't qualify as a scrape. Murder is serious._

"Can I have a pad of paper and a pen, detective?" I ask Kate hesitantly once she re-enters the room. She flinches at the use of her title instead of her given name.

"Sure, Castle, did you just get a story idea or something? How are you gonna write us... yourself out of this one?" Kate asks falling back on out banter before she even realized what she was doing.

"No, no story ideas. Just trying to get my thoughts together while I wait for my attorney to show up." I say looking up to meet her eyes.

"Sure you don't just want to confess and make this quicker for all of us?" Esposito sneers.

"Espo!" Kate and I simultaneously growl at him. We're still in synch even through this. Who would have thought?

"Sorry Bro. I didn't mean that. This just sucks." Javier whispers across the table so the recording equipment doesn't pick up the conversation.

I nod my head in agreement to Esposito and go back to my notes, wondering where Ryan has disappeared to. _Hopefully, he is looking into other leads. I wonder if Kate put him up to it or if Ryan is doing this because he knows that she can't leave without raising suspicion. I'm roused from my thoughts when I hear a knock at the door and then Beckett's voice._

"Mr. Castle, your lawyer has arrived. Do you need time to confer before we resume our interview?" Kate asks putting her cop mask back in place.

"If he thinks it's necessary. I've got my notes here that he can look at while you ask your questions." I say tapping the notepad to draw her attention to something I have hastily scribbled.

She takes a moment to read what I have written and with a nod she heads to the door and yells for Ryan to come to the door.

_Ah, well, question answered. Ryan must be combing through video or traffic cams or some stack of files that can either bury me or set me free. Let's hope for the latter. I'm hoping Beckett takes my deliberate attempt to give her information without anyone's knowledge as a sign of my faith in her...in us. Let's see what Ryan can do with that piece of knowledge while we sit here and stall for time._

"Sorry for the delay, shall we get started again?" She apologizes. "Mr. Castle, where were you on Friday night between the hours of 7pm and midnight?"

My attorney nods, so I proceed to answer the question that Beckett has posed to me now for the third time in the last couple hours. "I was at the loft until six and then I left home and caught a cab to meet my daughter, Alexis for dinner at a small diner near Columbia. We were scheduled to meet there around 6:30 but I was late...traffic was a little heavy being a Friday night and all. I arrived at the diner closer to 6:45. We had a good dinner, and an even better dessert. We didn't finish until almost eight by the time the waiter cashed us out. I paid by credit card in case you would need to check. I tried to convince my newly independent daughter to join me for a movie or some other show we could find on short notice but she declined saying something about a freshman mixer on campus . She did however, agree to accompany me in a little window shopping before returning back to her dorm. After all, there are so many things a new college student needs and will take full advantage of their lonely parents in order to procure said things for themselves. She wanted to look for practical things like storage containers and groceries while my choices swung from jewelry to electronic gadgets. _I could almost feel the eye roll coming from Beckett before I saw it. _

"So Mr. Castle, what time would you say your shopping excursion ended with your daughter? Did you go anywhere else? Spend time with anyone else?" Kate inquired with a tinge of curiosity...maybe even hurt in her voice.

"Alexis and I returned to her room with numerous packages that we promptly unloaded and put away. We spent a few minutes discussing her classes, how she was adjusting to being on her own and college in general, and then the topic turned to what I had been up to in the last few days since I had talked to her. I decided that a taxi might be too hard to track down at that hour so I placed a call to the car service that I use on occasion to pick me up. The driver showed up sometime between 9:45 and 10pm to pick me up." I add trying to be specific to make the fact checking easier for Kate and the boys. _The quicker I can prove my innocence the better for all of us._

"Okay, Castle, that gets us to ten. You still have two hours to account for," Espo pushes giving Beckett a chance to collect her thoughts.

"After leaving Columbia, I asked the driver to take me to the Old Haunt. I hadn't been in there in awhile and I was in need of a stiff drink to keep my mind off things and I was going to do some writing in my office in the basement." Before Kate can ask the question, I dive right back into my account of Friday night. "I didn't want to go home, because no one was there and I didn't feel like being alone. With Alexis at school and my mother's lifestyle, the loft has been too quiet at night. So I opted for a place with a little peace and quiet to write but also the comfort of knowing that there were plenty of people nearby if I wanted to socialize."

"Can anyone confirm your arrival at the Old Haunt?" Esposito asks. "Besides, the driver who dropped you off out front of the bar?"

"As a matter of fact, there is. About half of the off duty personnel from this precinct saw me walk in and Brian, the bartender. Brian commented on how he was surprised to see me on a Friday night as he made me a drink." I say with a glance down at my watch to note the time. "The next time I even had any concept of time, was when I got a call from Detective Beckett about a body drop. That must have been around 2am or so judging by the fact that the Haunt was closed and Brian was locking up for the night. I had gotten caught up in writing my next book and had apparently fallen asleep judging by the puddle of drool on my sleeve and desk." I finish and turn my eyes to seek out Kate's for some kind of sign of how to proceed.

"Is there anyway to confirm that you were at the Old Haunt the whole time that you claim to be in the basement writing?" Kate asks knowing full well that there is only one way out of my basement office after I had the tunnels sealed off once I bought the bar.

"Brian would have seen me when I left as there is only one way out of my basement office." I answer with a nod and continue, "I had the tunnel exits sealed off after I bought the bar, in case you were wondering."

"Detectives Beckett and Esposito, I believe my client has provided a pretty specific time-line of his evening of the night in question. If you don't have anything further, we will be leaving." My attorney has finally decided to participate in this interview now that it is effectively over.

"No, looks like we're done. Mr. Castle has given us quite a few things to verify before we can proceed with the case. Mr. Castle, will have to remain here while we check into his story." Kate declares before exiting the room with Esposito to start running down my alibi.

_Hopefully, Kevin has got a head start on running down those few hints I gave to Kate before we started the interview. I'm also banking on the fact that when Kevin returns to the 12__th__ that my daughter will be with him and be able to give them her statement and clear me of these ridiculous charges._

After what seems like days Kate, Esposito and Ryan all return to the interrogation room with puzzled looks on their faces. "As bizarre as this sounds, Mr. Castle. Your alibi has checked out and you are free to go. We need you to stick around for a few more minutes to pick up your personal belongings and sign a few forms." Ryan says in something akin to a sigh of relief.

"Come on Castle, I'll walk you over to booking where you can get your stuff back and sign that paperwork before you go home." Kate says turning to look at me and finally meeting my eyes.

"After you detective." I inhale deeply finally able to catch my breath for the first time in hours.


	3. Chapter 3

"Castle, I..." Kate begins only to be cut off.

"Not here. I'm not talking about this now." Castle says shaking his head as they make their way down the hall to retrieve his belongings.

"When?" She huffs.

"I don't know, but this isn't the time or the place. There are too many people here and this is something we need to discuss without interruptions." He says steering Kate to their destination with a hand at her back.

Kate relaxes into his touch, hoping his hand at her back means that they are going to be okay, not just a force of habit on his part.

"Where do you want to go? I... we can't just not talk about this Rick. Ignoring this isn't going to make it better. We can't fix this if we don't talk about it." Kate is practically pleading to have this discussion, both of them knowing that too many times in the past that they have left things unspoken.

"We should go to the Old Haunt." He says reaching for the pen from officer at the desk to claim his stuff. "We can talk in my office where no one will bother us. Too many people are going to want to try to make us feel better and 'fix' our shattered partnership." He says, nodding toward the boys who are pretending not to watch them from the break room.

"Is that what we are? Are we shattered? Do we need fixed, Rick?" Kate asks, voice scratchy like she is on the verge of tears.

"No...that's not...no. We aren't shattered Kate. We may be cracked or broken, but we are not shattered." Rick whispers trying to reassure her, noticing the tears in her eyes that she refuses to let fall. "I just meant... you know how Esposito and especially Ryan are. They are worried about what Mom and Dad are saying to each other and waiting for one of us to storm off and leave the other standing in their wake. And now that Ryan knows about us, he is going to be even more adamant about fixing us. You know how protective they are of you." He says trying to make her understand his train of thought.

"Should one of us storm off? How do we do this? We've never been 'here' before...not since we became...became an 'us'." Kate mumbles biting on her lower lip.

"Yeah, probably." Rick nods. "They are expecting a blow up. I'm just going to say something, very loudly, about needing to clear my head or time to think. Then we can leave here separately and meet at the Old Haunt. I'll tell Brian you are coming and he isn't to let anyone else know we are there to insure our privacy. Are you okay with this, Kate?" He inquires before making his very hasty and very public exit from the Twelfth.

"Yeah, as I'll ever be." She whispers and nods her head affirmatively.

"Beckett, I don't want to talk about this now, I just need some time...to think, clear my head! Later...we'll talk about this later!" Rick thunders, causing Kate to flinch even though she knows what was going to happen.

"Castle! … Wait!" She shouts as he strides toward the elevator making his escape. As Kate watches the doors to the elevator close, she hears the boys closing in on her. Bracing herself for the onslaught of questions, she turns to face her brothers.

"Yo Beckett, do you want me to go after him? Drag his ass back here?" Javi grumbles, mumbling something about Castle under his breath.

"Beckett, are you okay?" Kevin asks, not sure what else to say without giving away that he knows more than he should.

"Guys, it's fine. He's mad about us doubting his innocence. He feels like his partners abandoned him. To a certain extent, that is exactly what we did. Just let him go, he needs time to realize we were just doing our job." Kate states with far more resolve that she thought she could after watching him leave. "I need to get out of here too. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around this. I'm just gonna grab my stuff and head out. The paperwork can wait until tomorrow, this case sucked for all of us. At least it's over." Kate sighs as she heads toward her desk to pack up for the night. "See you tomorrow guys."

"You sure you're okay Boss?" Kevin and Javi ask in unison. "You wanna go get a drink with us or something?" They both ask with a smirk at being in synch again.

"Have you been practicing that?" Kate laughs. "I'm good, you guys go ahead without me." She calls over her shoulder as she pushes the button to call the elevator. Her phone chimes to alert her to a new text message as she climbs into a cab to take her to the Old Haunt, she reads the new message.

**LANIE: GIRL U OK?**

_Wow! That didn't take long. Espo must have called or text her before I ever got on the elevator. Rick was right, our friends are going into damage control mode. I wouldn't be shocked it Lanie is already on her way to my place to 'cheer me up'. Gotta cut this off quick._

**KATE: JUST NEED 2 CLEAR MY HEAD**

**LANIE: NEED HELP? I'LL BRING WINE!**

**KATE: NO, NEED TIME ON MY OWN**

**LANIE: K HERE IF U NEED 2 TALK**

**KATE: THX**

"Hey, Brian." Castle says as he sits down at the bar in the Old Haunt. "Detective Beckett will be joining me shortly. We are going to be working down in my office and would appreciate it if we weren't disturbed."

"No problem Mr. Castle. Do you need anything from the kitchen or a couple drinks?" Brian asks.

"No just some peace and quiet. We might take you up on the food idea a little later, though." Rick says drumming his fingers on the bar while he awaits Kate's arrival.

_What is taking her so long? She was leaving right after me. I wonder if the boys cornered her. Surely, she would send me a text if she got held up right? Maybe she had trouble finding a place to park. I'll give her a few more minutes._

"Castle? What's wrong?" Kate asks as she enters the bar noticing the concerned look on his face.

"Oh...uh nothing. I was just wondering what was keeping you." He says shrugging his shoulders.

"The guys wanted to make sure I was okay after watching you storm out and then I had a little trouble flagging down a cab." She laughs. "And I had to answer the text messages I had from a very concerned M.E."

"Esposito didn't waste any time letting her know what happened. He probably sent her a text before you even made it on the elevator." Castle chuckles. "You want a drink or do you just want to go down to the office."

"I'll pass on the drink for now, I want to keep a clear head for this conversation. Did you tell Brian that we didn't want anyone to know we were here?" She asks, as she turns to go toward the stairs and Castle's office.

"Yeah, I told him we didn't want to be disturbed for any reason, but we might take him up on his offer for stuff from the kitchen later." He nods at her as they move down the stairwell to the basement.

"Castle. Thanks, for thinking of doing this here and not at either one of our apartments. I don't think we would have been left to our own devices for long. I think our friends are well into 'fix it' mode. I was worried that Lanie was already on her way to mine when I got her text." She says now standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Castle to unlock his office door.

"Yeah, I was kind of worried that your well meaning 'brothers' were going to show up at the loft and threaten me to work this out." Castle says pushing the door open and waving her inside. "Wait a minute, why did you get a cab?" He throws out as an afterthought.

"The guys were talking about going out for a drink and I didn't want them to see my car outside and blow your plan for some privacy. If they saw my car here and I wasn't upstairs, it wouldn't take them long to put it together as to where I was and who I was with. They are detectives, Castle." She rambles as she flops onto the couch.

"I didn't even think about them showing up here." He mumbles suddenly worried that the boys might actually still show up here.

"So?" She blurts out.

"So, uh...where." Castle stutters, at a loss about how to start this conversation that they so desperately need to have now that they are alone.

"And you call yourself a writer...nice!" Kate laughs, going for their typical banter hoping it will ease them into talking about the case.

"Kate, I honestly don't know where to start. I don't know what to say about everything that has happened over the last few days. I just know we have to talk and there are things that need to be said."

He says running his hands through his already disheveled hair.

"I'm sorry." Kate whispers, barely loud enough to be heard. "I..."

"Why are you apologizing?" He questions as he too joins her on the couch. He intentionally leaves enough space between them so they aren't within arms length of each other. He desperately wants to reach out and touch her, hold her, but he knows that will only delay the inevitable. They have to talk. They have to get this out in the open, the hurt feelings, the doubts and all those things they have always left unspoken between them.

"Because I doubted you, that I treated you like my prime suspect." She struggles to make her voice heard. "Because, I let my mind go to a place it never should have gone. I almost ruined us! I almost threw us away Castle." Her voice cracks as she swipes at the single tear that has managed to escape down her cheek.

"Kate..." He starts.

"No, Rick. Just let me say this." She pleads, now looking him in the eye. "I almost threw the best thing in my life away because of some stupid fear that you weren't in this as much as I am. That you are still what the press made you out to be. I know you love me, you show me everyday. I guess some part of me thinks that this 'thing' we have is too good to be true and that I don't deserve to be this happy." She reverts back to staring at the floor as she gives him her explanation.

"Kate, you do deserve to be happy. I'm not gonna lie though. The fact that you doubted my innocence was like a punch in the stomach. After everything that we have been through together, you should have known I would never do anything like what I was accused of. You should know me even better now that we are together like this! The only times I have resorted to violence for anything has been when somebody threatened your life. I've waited four years to be with you, why would I throw that all away now that I finally got my chance? If this would have happened four years ago, Kate, I could understand your doubts. But now it just...hurts." He says, leveling her with his honesty and the tears that have started to run from his beautiful blue eyes.

"Rick, I... what can I do? How can I fix this? Fix us?" Kate cries no longer able to hold her tears or her emotions in check. "I don't know how to do this. I've never been this invested in a relationship. I've always had one foot out the door and never wanted to fight to save a relationship before. This thing with you...this relationship is too important to me to just walk away. I want this...I want you, Rick." She says, reaching out to touch his hand that lies on the cushion separating them.

"Time...it's going to take time Kate." He says as he flinches at her touch. At seeing the hurt flare in her eyes, he knows he needs to reassure her. "Hey, I'm not pulling away...I'm just saying, you opened a wound and wounds take time to heal. We will get through this. I still love you Kate, that's not going to change." He explains as he rises from the couch.

"Where...are you leaving?" She questions through a torrent of tears still slipping from her eyes. "Do you want me to leave?

"I was just going to ask Brian to have the kitchen make us some food. I haven't eaten all day and I'm pretty sure you haven't either since I wasn't in a position to order lunch. Burgers okay? What do you want to drink?" He questions as if they didn't have this issue hanging between them.

"You're worried about food, now?" She wonders aloud. "Yeah, fine. Whatever you're having."

"Kate, I can hear your stomach growling from across the room. And I don't plan on us leaving the privacy of this room anytime soon. We still have stuff to work through and if we don't do it now, I'm pretty sure, with our track record of talking about us, that we never will. So get comfortable, cause we are just getting started." He calls over his shoulder as he exits the office and pounds out a rhythm on the stairs.

_He's right. I should never have doubted him. I know him better than I know myself. He has a wicked imagination, but there is no way he would harm anybody. He kills people for a living in books! Books Kate not reality. He knew I wouldn't stop until I had the killer, he had faith in me to do my job and catch the right guy. Why didn't I extend the same faith in him that he was innocent? Am I trying to make up reasons for this relationship to fail just like I have done with them in the past? _

"Kate. You okay?" Rick asks as he enters the office and notices her pacing. "Brian said he would have everything ready in about ten minutes. Did something happen while I was gone?"

"No, nothing happened, unless you count beating myself up over doubting you." She blurts trying to lighten the mood, but failing.

"Kate...don't." He murmurs as he halts her pacing by reaching out to grab her shoulders and look her in the eyes. "Kicking yourself isn't going to fix this. We need to work through this together. It may take time, but we got this." He reassures her as he closes the distance between them.

"I know it's not gonna help fix this, but I can't help thinking how much I must have hurt you by treating you like a suspect and doubting you. I want you to know, there was one hell of a battle going on inside me the whole time. My head and my heart were at war, unfortunately for us, my head was winning. You don't know how many times I wanted to reach across that table and hold your hand or kiss away the worry lines around your eyes."

"Kate, I could see it in your eyes. I knew you were struggling with your control. I had to tell myself several times that I couldn't grab you and kiss you senseless no matter how much I wanted to." He acknowledges his internal battle too.

"I had to send Kevin out of the interrogation room because I couldn't take one more pitying look from him. Part of me was glad that he knew what was going on, but those knowing looks were killing me." She admits.

"I wondered where he had disappeared to. I was hoping that he was onto something that could get me out of that room. I love being in there with you Beckett, but not under those circumstances." Rick says with a shudder that makes her grin.

"Castle..." She starts only to be interrupted by a noise by the door.

"Mr. Castle ...sorry to interrupt, but I've got your food," Brian says a little embarrassed about intruding.

"Uh...thanks. Let me take that. Everything okay up there?" Castle asks easing the awkwardness of the moment as he takes the food and sends the bartender on his way with a nod.

"Castle...I" Kate tries again.

"Kate, eat and then we'll talk." He insists as he motions to join him on the couch. "We have plenty of time and I'm not going anywhere."

"Fine, I'll eat." She grumbles as she takes a bite of her burger. "But when we're done I still have a couple questions that have been driving me crazy since this whole mess started.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know AFTER we eat." He grins as he pops a fry into his mouth and dribbles ketchup on his chin.

Without thinking, Kate swipes her thumb across his chin to clean it off for him. The intimacy in the gesture obvious as she licks the offending substance off her thumb. The longing in the glance that passes between them is all the evidence they need that what they have between them is worth fighting for.

An audible gasp is heard as they both feel the temperature in the room rise a couple degrees. Neither one can determine who made the sound but the pull is undeniable as they move toward their other half.

Like two magnets they are drawn toward each other, all thoughts of food and conversation forgotten as their lips meet. As they lose themselves in a tangle of limbs and passionate kisses they cling to each other in a mix of desperation and love. All those things they need to say, being expressed in action instead of words. Over time, the kisses become more languid and less desperate as they settle into each other and the leather sofa they are now lying on. Kate's head comes to rest on his chest as they both try to regain their composure and a normal breathing pattern.

"Rick?" She mumbles into his chest. "We still need to talk. As much as enjoyed what just happened, that isn't going to make us better."

"I know...it's just... I wanted to do that all day and sometimes I have trouble keeping my distance from you. Do you know how hard it is to look at you everyday and not be able to just reach out and hold your hand or tuck a strand of hair behind your ear? All those things I get to do when we are alone have become second nature and not being able to do them all the time..." His voice rumbles through his chest as he returns them to a sitting position.

"Believe me, I know. God, Rick, there are so many times in the bullpen when we are building theory in front of the murder board, when I feel your breath on my face that I just want to kiss you and feel your arms around me but we can't. If Gates finds out, she will kick you out. I can't lose you at the precinct... I can't lose you...period" Kate rasps, voice still a little scratchy from tears and shortness of breath.


	4. Chapter 4

"You had questions for me. Do you still want to ask them?" Rick asks turning to look at her.

"Why weren't we together last Friday night? I know I was on call and planned on having dinner with my dad, but why couldn't we have done that together?" She wonders.

"You didn't ask me to go with you. I just assumed you wanted time alone with your dad and some space." He mutters unsure where the lines are drawn concerning their relationship. "What if someone would have seen us out and made a comment about a 'meet the parents' dinner with your dad? What if our picture would have ended up in the paper? I know I'm not front page news but I've made my fair share of appearances on page six." He reminds her.

"I don't know why I didn't ask you. I want you to spend time with my family too. My dad likes you. I think he has been rooting for you ever since the summer after I was shot. He knew the pain wasn't the only reason I was miserable." She grins, surprised she admitted that. "I know I was uneasy about Alexis and Martha knowing, but it's important that our families know what is going on and are allowed to share in our happiness." She adds with a shrug.

"Wait a second. You mean you still haven't told your dad about us? I thought that's why you were going to dinner with him, so you could tell him." He asks, not sure if he should be upset or not.

"No, I didn't tell him, I wanted to talk to you about it first and maybe have you come with me when I tell him, show him that this is..." She gestures between them, "is real and how much I want this."

"You tell me when. Maybe we can invite him over to the loft for a family...uh...dinner with Mother and Alexis." He hesitates over the phrasing of his last sentence.

"Do you think a...uh...family dinner is a good idea right now? I mean... we might want to wait on putting my father and your mother in the same room with equal chances to make our lives Hell this early into this?" She chuckles at the image forming in her mind.

"Yeah, we might need to wait on that for awhile longer." He laughs. "You could have come with me to see Alexis too. I mean, she already knows about us. But again, the public thing and your plans with your dad kept me from asking. I know we are comfortable being together in our homes but I'm not sure how to handle the public side of us. I guess we need to figure out what exactly is acceptable in public. I would love to take you out to dinner without worrying about where we go and who will see us, but as long as you are my 'secret girlfriend', we are gonna have to continue to be discreet." He continues, showing his disappointment with how things are.

"You know, we can go out to eat. We just can't go to all those fancy 'date' places. We can go to Remy's or here anytime we want. We have come here so many times as 'just friends' no one would think any different. We would just have to keep our hands to ourselves." She grins, shooting him a knowing look.

"But I like holding your hand and putting my arm around you." He pouts. "I guess if I want to 'date my girlfriend' we will have to order in and have movie nights on the couch."

"Sounds like a good date to me, Castle. I would like that, a lot." She smiles. "I definitely wouldn't say no to snuggling on the couch."

"Okay, this Friday. We order in and have a movie marathon at my place. On call or not. I am not taking 'no' for an answer." He insists.

"Deal. That means next time is at my place." She tells him.

"Now that those plans are settled. You said two questions. What is the other one? I'm guessing this was the easier one for you to ask?" He prods.

She takes a deep breath and proceeds. "Why were your prints all over that store? Why were in a jewelry store anyway, Castle?" She questions, still not sure she wants to hear his answer. Not because she fears there is another woman, but that he's done something she is no where near ready for. She loves him, but it's far too soon for the thoughts that are rushing through her mind about Rick and shopping in jewelry stores.

"Are you sure you wanna know?" He queries with a raise of his eyebrows.

"No, but I need to. We need all of this stuff out in the open if we are going to move past this." She states matter-of-factly.

"First of all, you know how I like to touch things..." He smirks with a waggle of his eyebrows. "Especially, shiny things."

"Okay Castle, that explains the prints. Now explain why you were buying jewelry." She pushes for the answer to the question that has been plaguing her since this whole thing started.

"Okay, but first, you have to promise not to overreact." He says as he extricates himself from her grasp, heading toward his desk. "I was looking for something for you."

"Rick?" She groans as she sees him reaching into his desk drawer.

"Kate, don't panic. It's not that. I didn't... I'm impulsive, but I'm not stupid." He giggles at her facial expression.

"Then what? What did you do Castle?" She sighs.

"You do know that jewelry stores do sell other things besides rings, right?" He's adds jokingly knowing where her mind had taken her.

"Yeah...I know that. I've been in a few jewelry stores in my lifetime." She answers feeling a little more relieved at the turn their conversation has taken. "It just caught me off guard and you didn't say anything during the interview at the station."

"Interview...that was a full on interrogation, Beckett. What was I supposed to say in there? That I was buying a gift for my girlfriend? If I would have said that, Esposito would have been even more pissed off and ruthless in his approach. He was already treating me like I had betrayed you...all of you." He says with a piercing glance at her approaching figure.

"I...no, I guess it would have made it worse. I just wish..." She stumbles to a stop. " I wish I would have given you a chance to explain...instead of being a cop and rushing to judgment based on the evidence that was piling up against you. I'm sorry." She apologizes as she comes to stand across the desk from him.

"It's fine...no, actually it isn't, but it will be. We'll be fine Kate. We just need to 'do the work' like you did with Dr. Burke. If we want this..." He motions between them. "Then we'll get there."

Their eyes both focus on the velvet jewelry box that remains untouched on his desk as silence falls between them.

"Do you...do you want to see what's inside the box?" He asks, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Only if you want me to see it." She answers, shy and unsure of herself.

"I was going to give it to you this weekend...but uh...well." He mumbles, pushing the box in her direction.

"Are you sure you still want me to have it...after all of this, I mean? Maybe you should save it for when things are better and the wounds have healed." She says as her hand hovers over the box between them.

"Yeah, who knows, maybe this is the first step in the healing process. This could symbolize a new beginning or a fresh start. Maybe, when you wear it, it will remind you that I'm in this with you. I'm all in Kate." His voice strong and confident about what they are building together. "I'll explain why I chose what I did and why after you open the box." He finishes, gesturing toward the box again.

"Oh,...Rick it's beautiful..." She can't hold back the gasp that escapes her mouth as she takes in the piece of jewelry that he has chosen for her.

"I know you usually wear a chain with your mom's ring on it, but I noticed when we were in the Hamptons that you didn't wear it everyday. I wasn't sure if I should ask why you didn't have it on but ..." He stops suddenly, looking at Kate to judge her reaction to the charm.

"I don't wear it everyday anymore. Now that I have gotten some semblance of closure, I don't need to wear it as much and I know my mom would want me to be happy and not be weighed down with my memories that I associate with her ring and her death. I do still wear it sometimes, but I don't need it like I used to." She answers as she runs her fingers over the charm.

"I went in there looking for a bracelet, but then I saw this charm, with the two linked hearts and I thought of you...us. So I bought it." He says hesitantly, like he might have said too much...or not enough.

"Rick, it's... thank you. Can I slip it onto the chain I'm already wearing?" She asks unsure of what to do with the charm.

"I bought a chain too, it's a little longer than your others so you can hide it under your shirts at work." His voice trails off as he finishes his sentence.

"Why would I hide this? It's gorgeous." She says seemingly oblivious to what he is getting at.

"So nobody sees it and asks questions about secret boyfriends and stuff. We are still keeping us a secret, right?" He asks.

"Yeah, we have to keep us quiet at the precinct, but I'm thinking we should probably tell Javi and Lanie soon, in light of what happened today and Ryan already knowing." She suggests. "I'm tired of hiding us. I want our friends to know and be happy for us."

"You know Lanie is going to be mad at you for holding out on her right? You get to tell her. She scares me a little bit." He shudders just thinking about the ME and all her veiled threats about making his death look like natural causes.

"Okay, but you are telling Espo." She says laughing. "He is so going to give you the 'big brother...if you hurt her speech'."

"Do you think that Espo is going to be mad at Ryan for not telling him about us?" Rick asks, suddenly concerned about their partners.

"They will have to figure it out on their own. I have a more important partnership to repair." She gives him a pointed look.

"We're okay Kate. This talking thing may be new for us, but I think we need to do it more often. We need to keep the lines of communication open so things don't get misconstrued and feelings don't get hurt. We are so very good at not talking, but sometimes we need to use our words not our actions." He says reaching out to help her put the new necklace and charm on.

"I have always been a fan of your words, Castle. You know I've read all of your books, some more than once. Your words have gotten me through some pretty rough times and they mean more now than ever. Especially, those three words that used to send me running for the exit." She says shyly.

"I love you, Kate." He says pulling her over to sit back on the couch. "I'll say them as often as you need me to."

_Someday soon, I'm going to say them to you too. I do love you Castle...more than you will ever know. "_So what do we do now?" Kate asks still looking down at the charm around her neck.

"I think it would probably be a good idea if we went home and got some sleep, it's been a really long day." He says as he grabs her hand to lead them from his office. "This day has really worn me out."

"Let's get you home then." She says with a squeeze of her hand as they trudge up the steps to the bar.

"Kate, do you want to come back to the loft with me...to sleep?" He asks suddenly a little shy.

"Are you sure about this? When you said it would take time, I just figured..." She questions.

"I just really want to hold you in my arms tonight. I think we'll both sleep better if we are together." He says with a had at her back as they step out of the Old Haunt to hail a cab.

"I...only if you're sure about this." She mumbles. "There's no place I would rather be."


End file.
